Ask the Psychologist Column

Purpose

We asked some psychology experts on child development and parenting to provide viewers with updated, research-based information.

This time we asked Dr. Tasha Howe to answer some questions about basic parenting skills and videos for babies.

Tasha R. Howe, PhD
Associate Professor of Psychology
Humboldt State University
Psychology Department
APA Member
E-mail

Q1: What are some things I can do to help my child learn to talk, problem-solve and play well with others?

A1: The best thing you can do for your child is to pay attention.

• Listen when your baby cries and pick him/her up. Soothing a crying baby never spoils a baby, but reassures him/her that you are there and can be trusted to come to him/her when he/she's upset, tired, or hungry. As children get older (around six months of age), they are able to soothe themselves better (by, for example, snuggling a stuffed animal when trying to sleep or crying softly for five minutes before settling down for the night) and parents don't need to respond to every whimper right away.
• As babies get older (in the toddler stage), parents can allow children to cry a little bit, get angry, or express other emotions, and then help the child label those feelings and talk about how to best handle them.
• Never try to reason with or punish a tantruming toddler. Ignore the tantrum if possible, or put the child in his or her room. When the child calms down, discuss the issue and what he should have done (for example, "I know it made you mad when mommy turned off the TV, but we don't hit in this family. We use words to say "I want to watch that show." Use words, not hitting, please.").
• Messages should be short, to-the-point, and repeated often. Imagine that you were trying to become a concert violinist. It would take you thousands of hours of making mistakes to learn this skill. Children are the same way. You may have to repeat things like "no hitting, use words" hundreds of times but if you do so consistently, every single time they hit, eventually children learn that their naughty behavior will not get an angry reaction or attention from their parents, but that their good behavior will. This means you have to notice all the times they don't hit and praise them. This goes back to the idea of paying attention.
• Be sure to catch children being good, not ignore them when they're good, and scold them when they're bad. Paying attention to bad behavior ensures the behavior will happen again because children want attention from adults, even if it's negative. Always praise and say how proud you are when children do things you expect of them. The more goodness you look for, the more incidents you'll find.

You can ensure a life of success by reading to your child every single day.

• Starting at about six months of age, babies can be read to. They love books (even to chew on!) and learn about language, rhythm, cause-and-effect, the world around them, and social relationships. Talking about books is a great way to enhance language development through labeling objects and asking questions about the pictures and people in the story. Your bond with your baby increases during those quiet times of reading before bed as well. I have a seventh grader who still enjoys our 30 minutes per night of reading. We chat about what happened to him during the day and talk about the themes and characters in the books. Reading sets a child up for a lifetime of curiosity, intellectual pursuits, and great cognitive and social skills.

Q2: Should my baby watch educational videos like 'baby Einstein' and participate in programs like 'my baby can read'?

A2: Most people want what's best for their child and know that educational experiences can shape a baby's brain development. However, babies can be over-stimulated by too much information, especially in the form of bright lights, noises, and fast scene changes that occur in many children's programs. This may actually interfere with smooth brain development and can lead to inattention problems.

The American Academy of Pediatrics actually recommends that babies under two years of age watch no media at all (this means no video games, computer games, or TV shows).

• Because the baby's brain is developing so rapidly, it needs active stimulation in the real world. This includes reading to your baby daily, hugging and cuddling, singing, playing games like "pat-a-cake," and taking your child out into the real world to enjoy nature and animals (for example, going to zoos, children's museums, or on family hikes). The real world is so exciting and new to babies and toddlers that there's no need for artificial media.

There's also no need for children to try to read before kindergarten, unless individual children initiate the desire and want to learn.

• Some children are very interested in learning to read and parents should follow their lead and help them learn a few letters or words. Kids love to learn how to write their names.
• These things should never be forced through educational programs or academic preschools. Preschool should provide opportunities for all learning levels but should not mandate the learning of ABCs or numbers. Kindergarten teaches children how to read and do math problems, etc.
• If you read to your child every day and do the stimulating activities I describe above, your child will excel in school. There's no need to force early formal education or try to create "baby geniuses."
• In fact, even after the age of two, children should not be allowed to watch or play more than two hours of media per day because media interferes with physical activity, social relationships, and academic work. Living in the real world at all ages is much better for children than any media can provide. And for older children, the rampant violence, sex, cultural stereotypes, demeaning of women and profanity found in video games, TV shows and movies can really interfere with the development of positive social skills. Limiting exposure to media at all ages is crucial to positive development.

It's important to be aware of media rating systems, so that you choose age appropriate material for your children to play and watch.

• To look up specific video games, go to www.esrb.com. For movies, go to http://blog.beliefnet.com/moviemom/ to see if a movie is acceptable for your child to watch.
• All video games and movies (and TV shows) have a rating system. While these rating system use different terms, the systems are fairly easy to figure out once you examine them a few times. For example, "E for Everyone" is a video game rating suggesting that the video game is appropriate for all ages (but we still recommend no one under two play video games and that older kids are limited to two hours). Likewise, movies rated G are for "general audiences," or kids of all ages. And TV shows rated Y7 are for "youth" seven years and older. This means four year olds should steer clear due to fantasy violence or mean behavior in the characters.

Once you get used to monitoring your child's media exposure, it becomes second nature and you feel good that you are protecting your kids from inappropriate material.