Managing Anger at Home

Children show their anger in different ways and for different reasons as they grow from their infancy through early childhood. Parents need to understand these different stages and how best to introduce anger management skills as the child matures. While each child is different, the following generally describes these stages of anger:

• Babies. Babies get angry because they are hungry, sick, or are startled by a loud noise. They show anger by crying and thrashing their arms and legs, attracting adults to their aid.
• Toddlers. Toddlers can be easily frustrated when they cannot do what they want. They have limited language skills but can begin to communicate their feelings with few words. Since they can't control their emotions very well, tantrums may occur.
• Children from about ages 3 to 5. Children gradually understand more and get angry about what people say, as well as what they do. They express themselves better and begin to aim their aggression at hurting someone else by actions—like hitting—or using threatening words.
• Children from about ages 6 to 8. Children should be able to learn to control their anger and channel it to resolve unfair situations. They can understand another person's point of view and feelings, and they value belonging and acceptance by peers.
  

Since young children learn by watching the adults around them, it is important for parents to learn to control their own anger, so they can teach by example the important messages of violence prevention. These are some of the basic messages adults need to convey to children as they grow up:

• It's okay to be angry.
• There are "okay" ways and "not okay" ways to show your anger.
• It's not okay to hurt anyone, to break things, or to hurt pets when you are angry.
• It's okay to tell someone that you are angry.
• There are ways to calm yourself when you are angry.
  

The resources to the right can help parents learn more about anger management—both for their children and for themselves. These skills can promote harmony within the family and also help children to be successful in making friends and resolving conflicts in the family and outside.